I do not have a political mind, in fact I am as far from politics as a poor man from money! Or shall I say as a rich man from poverty? The reason I am saying this is because I am a conspiracy theorist, I doubt everything and everybody, and never give anyone the benefit of the doubt, if I walk down the streets and someone walks behind me, my mind starts working by itself and analysing various scenarios on why that person is walking behind me, maybe he is following me because he has a crush on me, maybe he wants to know what I am up to, maybe he is a paid assassin, maybe he is psycho, maybe he wants to steel my money, maybe and maybe and so many maybe’s. Sometimes another car is behind me, when I notice it, I start to panic, thinking that it’s stalking me for a reason, especially that it’s turning left when I turn left, and it’s turning right when I turn right, etc etc. so I get the same feelings. I quickly read out the car number to my voice notes on my phone, and wonder what is going to happen if I reach my destination and the car also stops behind me? I go crazy analyzing the various scenarios.
So when a political group start to say something about their government, many theories get constructed in my brain, it kills me actually, and I never know what to say, because I don’t want to say what’s on my mind, if I did it will be a muddle between positives and negatives and indifferences. So the political group will not make head or tail of my thoughts nor will they ever win me towards them.
Also the same will happen when someone tell me something that defys the political group! The positives, negatives and the I differs will all muddle up, and I keep quite. For this reason I cannot even become a parliamentarian, nor a minister, as I have to belong to a group against the others. And due to the construct of my mind, I can never belong to a group. I think I have finally found out why I keep on changing my profession? It’s because I keep on doubting the people that belong to those professions? I hated economists, so I quit being an economist, then I became and accountant, and hated them for their unethical behaviours, then I became a teacher and hated the teaching institutions, as no one would give their 100% to the students, neither the organisations nor the teachers, finally I took the decision to work on my own and do what I like, now I hate this too as it has it’s faults due to the wrong doings of the people that do the same stuff we do in our company.
Being a conspiracy theorist is tiring , it drains the minds and kills any initiatives. It may also make the person very anti everything in life and drags one to the hell of paranoia. So today I decided that I must start taking sides, so whose side will I take?
Because I am an undecided individual, people trust me, so they tell me everything, as they know that I will not be against them, but they also know that I will not be with them, so they don’t mind spelling their guts out to me and saying everything they can think of as they are happy for not receiving comments. I may become empathetic at times, like today, as the person that talked to me for over half hour said stuff that only she would know, so how can I not believe what she said? Also I have a brother of mine who suffered injustice, so how can I not be empathetic with him? some of my friends have also suffered because they said what they thought is right, and many others did things because they were merely part of the opposition? So shall I give my mind a workout and let it experience the two sides of its personality or three sides (conspiracy theorists can have a multi faceted mind) and start theorising on who is right and who is wrong, or shall I just ignore everyone and worry only about how I would repay my loans at the end of each month?
I think I will do only that.