Ramadan is so close, I always fear this month as I hate to be without coffee in the morning, I love my coffee and my morning with it. The month is so overwhelming that after the first three days I totally forget about my coffee. Also there are other important things to do in this month as we truly believe that if we do certain things we will have a benevolent life. Doing good and helping others is the reason for being on earth, many of us had forgotten this fact and that is the main reason for having this month that comes year after year so we remember those that are most needy; we don’t only pray and fast in this month, but we also give, we give food and we give money to the poor, we provide the equivalent of a meal per person that lives in our household to the poor. Thus besides fasting and getting that holiness we receive more values.
There is a night in Ramadan that no one knows which one, all we know that it could be in every odd night from the 19th of Ramadan. It could be the 19th, 21st, 23rd, 25th, 27th or 29th where the Quraan came to earth and was delivered to our prophet. These nights are spent in prayers and doing good. At first you have to pray that your life become better, and you become wealthier, happier, healthier and any other thing one wants to have, then you pray for your mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, sons, daughters, partner; you also pray for those that work with you, your neighbours, your friends and relatives. Your prayer will be heard in these nights as we believe that a door in heaven will open and will store those prayers, and an angel or two will be assigned to you so everything that you wanted will happen.
Couple of years ago, I went to the mosque, and while everyone was praying and asking God for things, I was dumb and deaf. I didn’t know what to ask for and I just continued to recite Quraan and pray my normal prayer. Anyway, upon returning home I told my family this and they got so angry with me as they know that I have a kind heart and God almighty will hear me. I was sorry too, but I truly was not able to ask for anything! it was a weird night. I went to sleep and woke up before morning prayers to finish the other prayers. The room was stark dark, and I was praying without light, so when I was kneeling, I didn’t see the place of prostration. Suddenly a light from the left side showed me the place, I prostrated and stood again to complete the prayers. Again the light came and showed me the prostration place again. I finished my prayers quickly as I was so overwhelmed. I went back to sleep and the next day I told my family about this too, they said that it was an angel lighting my way, I told them no it must be my Glaucoma (my eye doctor thinks that I may have this) as it provides light at times. However my family reckons that it was an angel, and its to remind me that I must ask for anything I want.
Since that year my family had gone from bad to worst, problems with the children, cancer, loss of hair, diseases, poverty, lack of resources, prisons and so on. Of course we had some good fortune, but not to the extent that we used to have. I am sure that none of this has anything to do with me, or because I didn’t pray, but my youngest sister keeps repeating that it is because of me. Whenever something bad happens, she says loudly that its all because of Suad, as she didn’t pray for us that night and that is why we are having these difficulties.
This year, I am going to do a special prayer every odd night of Ramadan, so help me god.