My friend went to Kenya, she spent two days on the safari watching animals of all sorts, apparently the sole purpose of the watch is to see a “KILL” which means that animals fight and then kill each other, like lions killing zebras, hypos killing monkeys, I don’t know, whoever is vicious would kill those that are not so vicious. Apparently they had to be so quite so the animals can have their freedom in killing each other, or eating each other, it seems that the animals are shy to expose their real behavior in front of us the human beings, they must think that we are superior, respectful, peace loving and harmless creatures. What they don’t know is that we are not exactly that, we are worse than animals when it comes to differences of opinion or whatever it is we have rows about.
Let me tell you the story, and you tell me what you think; a man and a woman, living together for ages, not sure of their circumstances, it seems that off late there had been few misunderstandings that made them apart. The man hates himself and everybody around him, the woman has no idea of the depth of the hatred in him. Rows happen and deepen day in and day out. He thinks that she is not doing a good job with the children; she doesn’t think so and continues to work as normal. He thinks that she is not working, she thinks that she is. He thinks that she is throwing her money (or his money) away, she thinks that every cent is well spent, he thinks that every purchase for the home is not necessary, she thinks that the home stuff are deteriorating and requires new things and fresh paint, he thinks that he should do those things, she things that it doesn’t matter who does what. He thinks that life is coming to a standstill when he is with her, and he has to run away, so he runs away for few months, misses home he comes back, and the woman continues to work as normal, so when he comes back he finds changes that he didn’t approves, so they argue again, and rows happen, so he runs away again. This continues to happen so often that it is ugly, so what does she do? Well, to her life is normal, but to him everything is wrong, and he has to be the king of the family; remember how in the good old days the whole family surrounds the granddad or grandma to listen to the war stories or just a fable? He thinks that he deserves a similar setting; the kids and the woman have to surround him while he talks about himself (if he does that too) and listen attentively. What he seems to forget is that he is not talking, he thinks he is talking but he isn’t; it is all happening in his mind really.
According to him a woman has to stay home and raises the children, cooks for the family, arranges the house and never complains, never goes out and should never has any friends. According to him the woman should no work and should not read, or has a mind of her own. The animal instinct suddenly surfaces out, and this is the end. You can imagine it can’t you? From that day onward the rows increases as no woman in this day and age will approve of living the life of her grandma, women these days want to stay up all night so they do not miss anything, no tweet will go unread, no face book notification will not be seen and no timeline on BB is not flicked open. Technology had entered our lives from its widest doors, there is no chance to those men who still live in the past and have no idea about technology. These days a woman will not be living if she hasn’t got an Ipad, a laptop, an Iphone, a blackberry and of course a wee android phone in her bag. TV may not be a big hit unless on the side of it she can still see what is on show and at the same time read her tweeps messages.
Solution: I think all men and women who could have or fear to have this difference in opinion should have the sort of marriage that is happening in Saudi these days, they call it Mesyar, which means they both meet briefly, talk about their day and have a cup of coffee, and any other business they want to do and depart in peace. The animal instinct in them will not surface as they are not in the face of each other, both can have the life that they want to lead; if he wants to play golf all day, its fine, and if she wants to write or read the whole day its fine. None of them will start to have paranoia about the other half as they are not really living with each other. Life will be great.
What I am trying to say here is that, marriage is a contract, and my friend and her husband need to realize that and stick by it, if he owns something it is his and he can do whatever he likes with it, on the other hand she can also do what she likes with her money, the partners do not own each other. They may want to share, but if a business transaction has to happen then it can happen without the need for consultation. What they also need to understand is that if he is not loyal, then he is not respecting the contract, and if she is not loyal then she is the one who is not respecting the contract. At the end of the say what is loyalty? I cannot explain this word, as it doesn’t have a meaning in my dictionary, to me it is the commitment to the family which makes both the husband and wife loyal, if the commitment is diluted then anything can happen including disloyalty.
Men and women of this world, life is racing, and if we continue to quarrel, we may miss something very important, let us all be alert, and enjoy every second of this life while it lasts, as we will never know when the last beat of our hearts will stop.